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. Entries ::
Monday, May 31, 2004
I want a hug really bad... =\
so said she @
9:29 AM
Saturday, May 29, 2004
I know it's my fault because I'm not looking for work as much as I should be. That I'm stressing my mother out far more than I should. I should care more--be out there more looking for a goddamn job. I feel so hypocritcal because I'm not; because it stresses me out just as much as it stresses mom out.
She threatens and says what will have to change, but I don't ever mind it. I guess I would gladly take what bedding I can and go live out in my car. Live off of nothing. Go walk down the street for pennies so I can afford a goddamn meal. Mom did that.
I'm hurting her a lot, and I feel everything that I could do would be useless. I just want everything to end. I shouldn't be here. I wish I could just disappear. I want to scream at myself, break down and cry. But I can't do any of that. Most of all I'm tired of depending on people, but I don't want to be totally alone.
I need a hug, even though I don't necessarily want it. God, all I am is a fucking burden to those around me. Perhaps I'm worthless to this world. I keep thinking that there is nothing that I can do--but there is. Instead of writing all I feel out, I could be out there looking for work and filling out job applications.
It just hurts me when I hear mother talking to grandmother about how horrible I am. How I haven't found work. How I'm not trying hard enough. How mom says she'd be better off without me, kick me out. Making me feel really fucking guilty is not how you get me to do things better... and it's not how you get me to try harder.
Mehh, either way you look at it I am the horrible bad guy. There is no way of looking good in this situation on my part. I deserve no one, nothing, nada.
so said she @
3:52 PM
Saturday, May 22, 2004
I suppose I'm a little crabby by the fact I haven't really eaten much today, and the fact that I have a cat who just keeps meowing constantly. I can't wait until Monday because then I can bring him to the Humane Society, and then it will be out of my hands.
Chance hates me now. It's not that he hates me, it's that I smell of another cat. I don't think I've ever seen him this jealous before. I think this is the most anyone's ever gotten jealous over me before. Haha.
I just layed the cat down for a nap. Got it to go to the bathroom (via paper towel) and fed it about another tablespoon of that Just Born milk stuff. It was already falling asleep while it was feeding anyways so I figured I'd try a few more times and then put it back in the box for a nap.
I won't be doing anything this weekend unless people want to come here and deal with a noisy kitten. I think it'd be so much easier to be mother to my own child. Just give it a boob to nurse on and we're good to go. Change it's diapers and make sure you give it attention. With the kitten it's just tedious. Either way, I am not used to being needed like this...
No one's talking to me so I guess I'm just going to go wander about or do some other shit.
so said she @
6:42 PM
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Sometimes you realize how lucky you are to have the friends you have. We all have our times where we wanna wring each others' throats, but in the end we all end up all right. But you know me -- there's always something on my mind. It's nothing important though.
Today I went and saw Monique and Carrie. We hung out, grooved to music. We all went to Panera Bread to eat supper. Strange how girls seem to end up talking about sex. We can be talking about one totally different thing and then suddenly someone will bring up sex.
Monique finally admitted to Carrie her big secret about who her first was. I think Carrie was a little angry that I didn't tell her that secret. Monique specifically told me not to tell anyone -- that she wasn't ready for anyone to know.
Anyways, we went over to Brad's house. He's a new friend of Carrie's. I don't care for him too much, though. He comes off somewhat rude to me. He opens the door in his room (his door is a door that goes outside) and it was cold. I'm sitting there shivering like crazy and I say "I'm really cold.." and he just nods at me. What the fuck? I don't know, to me he just didn't come off like a good host.
Tomorrow Monique and I do some work out stuff because we're bored! Yay. Tighten those abs and thighs! lol.
Hate to admit it, but I have been a little lonely lately. I've been in a cuddly, lovey-dovey mood.
so said she @
1:47 AM
Sunday, May 09, 2004
And now I worry.
I really wish I had someone who could hold me right now...
so said she @
10:59 PM
Friday, May 07, 2004
Kind of really in the mood to just keel over right now. Lately I've been putting on a happy face for everyone. I'm doing it again. Slipping back into the "Can't trust anyone" phase. Someone once said to me "The only person you can trust is yourself", and I suppose that's coming back to me once more.
I think it's more of I'm slipping into a state of worried-depression. I keep thinking if I don't get money to pay my mother that I'm going to begin losing things. My mother cannot support me if I don't pay her the money I used to. I won't be able to have the internet, and I'm pretty sure the cable tv will go, too. I handed in a couple of applications today, so I'm trying to have hope.
I don't think I've cried like I have this morning. Just out of nowhere I broke down in tears, trembling. "Why do things have to be like this now? What happens if worse comes to worse..? Where will I go? How am I going to do this... Even a few of my friends have said I look like I have a sense of "lock down" security all around me lately.
I'm debating confiding in someone. I wanted Monique to call me today, but that didn't happen. Honestly, I would have loved anyone who I at least trust with my worries to have called me. But no one calls me anymore -- which is fine. But even in my times of need...no one is there, and I just grit my teeth and bare with it. It's what I've done for 19 years now. I've never had anyone there for me. The last time I really tried...he told me coldly "The only person you can really trust is yourself. No one else..." I pulled back. Built up titanium walls...
I just need someone there for me. Even if it's not for a very long time. A friend I can depend on, even though I know I won't take the hand of whoever tries to "save" me.
I'm tired of talking about myself. "I," "me," "myself," etc. I've been neglecting my own needs... I really am weak... right now.. i need a hero more than anything..
Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods? Where's the street-wise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need. I need a hero...
so said she @
11:59 PM
Thursday, May 06, 2004
I wish it would rain. It seems like it might be the only soothing thing to hear right now. When I was a little younger I used to go walking in the rain. Alone, of course. Who would want to join me? I'd come home soaking wet, and mom would worry that I was depressed. I wasn't, though. It was just soothing to me.
Perhaps that's why people find it so hard to understand me? Do I put my all into too many things? I don't like to half-ass shit. Carrie seems to think that I just don't care about anything. That's not the point. That's not it at all. I do care -- possibly more than I should in some cases. But I know when to stop caring. To let things go... to give up.
I guess I've been watching too much of Ayashi no Ceres lately. That series just totally brings me down in the sense of lonelyness. Aya's family wants to kill her. She falls in love with the man who is supposed to kill her -- and he, in return, falls in love with her.
Like the first time they were actually alone together, and he explained that Aya could never see her brother again for both their safety. When Aya was trembling and about to cry...
Tooya: I'll hold you until you stop trembling... and if you don't like that, you can push me away. Whichever you choose.
Aya: (All in thought) Like I could! Like I could even if I wanted to.... Like I could push these arms away...
The ending is just sadder than hell. Tooya is very old because he's not technically "human". Hes part of an angel sent down to protect Aya. However, he doesn't know or remember why he's put on this Earth because he got amnesia. He grew up faster than any normal human boy would. When Aya was 5, he looked like he was about 20.
Anyways, at the end of the anime (after Tooya has to kill Aya's brother [if youwant to know why, ask me personally]) we learn that Tooya doesn't have much time left to live. He looks about 20, but in reality he's much older -- he just hasn't aged physically. Aya and Tooya have a child. It's just so sad. Tooya is just so... KWhekwherwr. Lol. If he were a real person, right? lol
Anyways, it just really brings out the lonelyness in you =\
so said she @
12:45 AM
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
elysian tears = me (kerensa)
ALFcake: hey
elysian tears: hey
ALFcake: kyou wa boku no tanjoubi desu yo!
elysian tears: tanjoubi..? Omedetou gozaimachuuu!
ALFcake: hehe
elysian tears: anata ha nani sai desuka?
ALFcake: boku wa juuhachisai desu!
elysian tears: uuwaa~
ALFcake: ^_^
elysian tears: yongatsu 27 ha watashi no tanjoubi.
elysian tears: juukyuusai dechu!
ALFcake: Tanjoubi omedetou gozaimashita!
elysian tears: Haiii~
elysian tears: katakana... sukoshi muzukashii desune.
ALFcake: hai, sou desu ne
elysian tears: Kanji ha tottemo muzukashii!
ALFcake: hai!
elysian tears: ja, zenzen wakaranai yo~.
elysian tears: except the easy stuff. lol
ALFcake: (I forget what "zenzen" means)
elysian tears: so do I, but I know thats where to use it XD
ALFcake: hehe
elysian tears: not at all
elysian tears: wholly, entirely, completely.
elysian tears: I used it as "not at all" since "wakaranai" is a negative verb
elysian tears: =D
elysian tears: Yay
ALFcake: ^_^
so said she @
2:15 PM
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Ah, let's see....
-hot and cold flashes
-stomach pains (those of which like your uterus is being ripped apart, lining by lining)
-can't get comfortable no matter what you do
-a feeling of helplessness
-fatique
-etc
Oh, God, could I go for some major cuddling right now. It's way worse than last month...
so said she @
4:07 PM
Free report for: Kerensa Morrison
Rational (NT)
Rationals, are the problem solving temperament, particularly if the problem has to do with the many complex systems that make up the world around us. Rationals might tackle problems in organic systems such as plants and animals, or in mechanical systems such as railroads and computers, or in social systems such as families and companies and governments. But whatever systems fire their curiosity, Rationals will analyze them to understand how they work, so they can figure out how to make them work better.
In working with problems, Rationals try to find solutions that have application in the real world, but they are even more interested in the abstract concepts involved, the fundamental principles or natural laws that underlie the particular case. And they are completely pragmatic about their ways and means of achieving their ends. Rationals don't care about being politically correct. They are interested in the most efficient solutions possible, and will listen to anyone who has something useful to teach them, while disregarding any authority or customary procedure that wastes time and resources.
Rationals have an insatiable hunger to accomplish their goals and will work tirelessly on any project they have set their mind to. They are rigorously logical and fiercely independent in their thinking--are indeed skeptical of all ideas, even their own--and they believe they can overcome any obstacle with their will power. Often they are seen as cold and distant, but this is really the absorbed concentration they give to whatever problem they're working on. Whether designing a skyscraper or an experiment, developing a theory or a prototype technology, building an aircraft, a corporation, or a strategic alliance, Rationals value intelligence, in themselves and others, and they pride themselves on the ingenuity they bring to their problem solving.
Rationals are very scarce, comprising as little as 5 to 10 percent of the population. But because of their drive to unlock the secrets of nature, and to develop new technologies, they have done much to shape our world.
so said she @
1:11 AM
Feeling sick, and out of place. Why does it matter anymore? Why can't I let things go and just not care? It's not fair. I owe mom so much money and I can't find a job. What am I going to do? Where am I going to go when it comes to the point she can't support me -- if it even comes to that? Why do I have to pretend that I'm always alright with everything?
Mom doesn't seem so worried. I am. How can I not be? Sure, I might have money right now but what happens if it runs out and I have no source for more? Carrie's mother is saving the classifieds for me, so I thank her. But the stress is getting to me to the point I can feel it in my stomach -- and I so badly just want to run away. Go someplace. Drive someplace. But there's nowhere I can go that doesn't cost any money to stay at.
I don't want to be a burden. Perhaps I'll just drive someplace and take my sleeping bag and camp out in my car for a night. Lock the doors and just stay there... These are the things I can't say. Life has it's bumps. I just don't want to deal with any of this right now. I don't want to pretend to be strong right now. I don't want to pretend that everything is alright. People look at me with concerned faces and all I do is smile. Don't worry. I'm fine. But on the inside I'm worried sick!
Tomorrow I need to go get food. I am completely and utterly out of food. I need milk, cereal, some food to eat for lunch and supper. I've been living off of fast food for too long right now. Buming subs off of Carrie because I'm afraid I'll get that tight on money.
Mom says to cry if you need to. But I'm holding everything in again because I just want everything to end. I want help, but there isn't anyone who can help me. Someone to care enough to save me from the swirling white waters. But even if a hand were offered, would I even take it? Or would I stubbornly allow myself to sink?
I miss Monique. I miss my friends. I'm nothing without companionship of somesort. Maybe, right now, I just don't want to be me. I want to be someone else. Or maybe I just wish I could die for a few months. At least until July. I worry way too much.
What did I do wrong...
so said she @
12:07 AM
Sunday, May 02, 2004
Alright. I have uploaded a new layout to my blog. It's about time. It's been forever since I've updated this piece of shit, but ah well. Lately I've just been preoccupied with other boring things in my life. Well, some boring, some not so boring.
I lost my job on Friday, and I've been accepted to MSU for this coming fall semester. My ACT is in June, and this time I must remember to go to it otherwise I am screwed. I've made a couple new friends, and since my last post in this journal I have become friends with Carrie once more.
I feel slightly annoyed with life at the moment. Not that I'm depressed, or anything of the sort. It just seems that when I don't want to be bothered people bother me. But when I'm in the mood to be around people, they all just avoid me. What the hell is up with that?
Perhaps I've just been moody because I'm cramping. It's not the most pleasant feeling in the whole wide world. Anyways, I'm not sure.
I bought two new movies. I know I shouldn't have due to my current money situation, but I'll pull through. Tomorrow I'll go job hunting (sigh). Anyways, the movies I bought are Ever After -- one of my favourite romance movies; and Gone With The Wind. I just love that movie. I don't understand why Scarlett is in love with Ashley. Rhett may come off as a womanizer, but hotdamn, he's one hell of a man! (purr) lol.
So now I guess I'll go get Jenna and we'll go out for ice cream. Dodedodedo...
so said she @
9:35 PM
Monday, October 06, 2003
Long time no post, eh? Well, I've been wanting a new layout on this sucker, but I just can't get around to making one because I've had lots of lack of ideas to make a layout out of.
I got DDR, and I play that a lot now. =3 I'm not talking to Carrie anymore. I guess her and I aren't friends anymore. But that's fine. Ever since she told me I needed to learn to bite my tongue I haven't wanted to speak to her since.
Carrie was always trying to change me. She didn't like how I said this. She didn't like that I said this too much. She didn't like how I responded to that. She didn't like anything I did! And she tried to mold me into being the friend she wanted me to be! God, that made me angry! So VERY angry.
Anyways. It's late so I guess I'm gonna end the update here. I wish I had the talent to create a pretty layout >.o I want something blue..and pretty. x.x;
so said she @
12:53 AM
Saturday, June 21, 2003
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so said she @
2:54 AM
Sunday, June 15, 2003
Today was awesome. Carrie came over around 1 PM and we went swimming for a good hour. We saw Patty from school (though I'm graduated) there. We swam around even though that water was colder than Antartica. After that Carrie went to work and until 7 PM I stayed online doing nothing but waisting time. At 7 she brought me a subway sandwich and went to pick her mom up from the bar, came back and played Tenchu (and no I did not sneeze) for a little while, and then went to go pick up Monique.
From there we went to Wal-mart (considering this is about 8-9 o'clock PM) and burned off some mega time there. Andy, Carrie's boyfriend, works there so we basically bugged him a little bit. Then we went to the fun center and played a game of air hockey. I won against Carrie! Wooo! Then I played a racing game and crashed out~! I suck at them. I hate that game...
After that we went to Andy's house and I played some CD's on Carrie's new CD player Andy got her for her shitty car for a graduation gift. We waisted more time there and by then it was about 11 o'clock or so. After that we filed into Carrie's car and went to her house to see the baby duckies that her stupid sister decided to buy a few days ago. While we were there Andy and Carrie got into a water bottle fight in Carrie's house and as we were trying to lock him out of the bathroom he reached his hand in and poured water all over me. I was wet. -_-; I hit him a few times for it and then about 20 minutes after that we left again. lol
We all drove to downtown Mankato to the old Mall downtown and went to the pool table room...place. And we saw Bewar there! Since I arrived he began loosing his game of pool with his friend so he said I was bad luck, which he soon took back because I said, "Just because I'm wearing a skirt doesn't mean I won't try to kick your ass!" I can be rather intimidating. We all got a game of pool going, though (Carrie, Andy, Monique and myself). My team won twice, and we only played twice. I was so paranoid about people being able to see up my skirt. Once when I was trying to hit the ball carrie suck the bottom end of her Q-stick up between my legs which scared the heck out of me because at first I really didn't know what it was!
Oh, as we were driving to the parking ramp, some drunk men crossed the road and were putting their hands all up like, "Raise the roof!" and so I decided to give them shit and mimic their "raise the roof" move, right? Well, one guy waved at me as he crossed the road and began rubbing his manly boobies and wiggling his tongue at me. I couldn't help but laugh my ass off at that. Monique was all, "Oh! You've been molested and he didn't even touch you!" Carrie was all, "I can't believe he did that!!!" But yeah, that was funny. I must be sexy or somethin' cause boys kept starin'! lol. j/k.
I pulled Monique away from the crowd (carrie and andy) for a little while so we could walk around the dead and deserted mall. We went all the way up to the parking ramp and I spit over the edge and nearly hit someone in the head with my spit ball. SooooOOOoooo, Monique and I noticed that they noticed someone spit, so we all ran back inside and back down the stairs and back to the pool table room, place, thing.
As Carrie was aiming for one of the balls, her Q-stick was up in my face and I was moving out of the way so I didn't get hit, right? Andy says, "What? Don't like the stick in your face?" And I stupidly said, "Not that kind of stick!" Realizing what I said after I said it I quickly covered my face and tried to correct what I said by saying, "I didn't mean that! I didn't mean that! I didn't think before I spoke!" But they were already laughing their asses off at me for my stupidity. Moe was all, "Ohh! I don't think I wanna know what YOU'RE doin'!" and they were just giving me total shit for what I said.
Anyways, after that we went home. And that's about it. Pretty busy night. Got home about 2 AM. Woooo~!
so said she @
2:48 AM
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
Well, I went to the mall today and sold the games I mentioned earlier. I got $20 dollars in store credit. I couldn't sell them my playstation because apparently there's this LITTLE WITTLE piece missing off of the thing that you hook the disk to in the middle. It's nothing really. It causes no problem to me so it shouldn't cause any problem to anyone else. It kinda pissed me off that they wouldn't accept it. Well, puh. Oh well. I'll just sell it to anyone else who wants it and would be willing to pay for shipping and handling, too =) That's how e-bay works, right?
Anyways, I sold my games and then bought a used Tenchu: Rath of Heaven game. I figured I might as well get something out of the shitty games I had. Carrie and I went back to my house to play Tenchu for a little while. We got our ass kicked because we forgot how to play it well. Sucky, eh? Oh well, we'll get better at it in no time. At least, I will. *grin* I thought about getting the Matrix game, but I wanted to rent it instead.
After that, Carrie ate at my house and then we left to go to Sibley Park. We made a stop at my old school Roosevelt and played on their new spiffed up playground. After that we left for sibley park and there we fed the prarie dogs and the geese and the deer and goats. We went and saw the emu, too. It wasn't PMSing this time, though. All was well. it just wanted funky leaves and it didn't seem to like them even though it ate them. After a while we left though.
Then she decided she wanted to go see her fathers grave which was way out of Mankato and she didn't even know the way there. Well, she did, but it started to get dark and her prospective of what was around her was fucked up and she missed her turn so we had to take the long way to Amboy or whatever. By then it was dark and I wanted to go home. Carrie was still set on finding her dads grave. Finally I had had it. I had already had to pull out the map for her ass and find out where we were and what roads we had to go on to get to Amboy because her ass was set on going to her dads grave. I told her it was dark and that I wanted to go home NOW. After some persuading her to do so, she drove through Amboy to Mapleton to get back on highway 22N to my home.
She better be damn lucky I know how to read a map, because she doesn't know squat on how to read a map. She thought there were little maps of the tiny tiny towns for me to look at to find out what roads to take. I basically just...bah. Anyways...
Tomorrow I go job hunting. Carrie and I are planning to move into a house together sometime soon. I just need a good paying job and whatnot. Andy, Carrie's boyfriend, will be living with us. I'll be able to get out of this hellhole, though. Yay. We'll see what happens though.
so said she @
10:47 PM
Welp, today I'm going to sell my Playstation 1 and some games. Those games include... Pandemonium 1 and 2, Kingsley's Adventure, Croc: Legend of Gobbos, Tomb Raider 2 and 3. So I should be able to get a pretty good 50 bucks out of all of these in store credit. Enough to buy a new PS2 game. Yei~. Maybe I'll get the Matrix game, eh? Hm. I'm not sure.
Carrie said she wanted to look at what games I have because she wanted to see if she could HAVE any. I said "No, I want to make money." She asked how much I was selling them for, but I wouldn't give her an answer because I didn't know how much people were taking for them. But they're all basically takng them for 5 bucks in STORE CREDIT. I didn't realize how cheap playstation games have gone! It's kinda sad. The only games I want for playstation is my Crash Bandicoot games and my Bushido Blade 1 and 2.
So after Carrie gets off of work, she's going to come pick me up and take me to sell these games. I guess I'll just go to Game Stop in the mall because I know what games they have there, ya know? It's a cool place. I'll check it out. They've never let me down before, lol. Anyways, I'm going to get ready to leave.
Tralalalala~
so said she @
3:28 PM
Oh HELL yes! I finally did it! But I needed Liz's help. She's got the mahou~! Anyways. I am updating my blog for the first time since forever! And everything is fine and dandy. I graduated from high school and everything is hunkydoorie. Oh, be sure to leave messages on my tag board (to the right) I wanna see how this thing goes, ya knows?
I doubt many people will read this, but please please please, sign the tag board. Only if you love me <3. So anyways. Not much more to say. I guess I'll end it here.
so said she @
12:49 AM
Friday, January 24, 2003
I should update more here. Once I get good at layouts I'll probably be messing with this thing all the time, lol. But all in all, life seems to be getting better for me, which is AWESOME! I feel so lucky right now.
I've just finished up 1st semester finals! Aahh, you have no clue how much weight has been lifted from my shoulders. 2nd semester schedual looks a little something like so:
1ST HOUR: Novel Reading
2ND HOUR: Applied Math II (basically Algebra)
3RD HOUR: Study hall (MONIQUE IS IN MY STUDY HALL!!!)
4TH HOUR: Global Geography
5TH HOUR: LUNCH FOR EVERYONE IN HS
6TH HOUR: People and Society (MOE IS IN THIS CLASS, TOO)
7TH HOUR: Study Hall
8TH HOUR: Web Page Design
Today (Thursday) I went with my mom to the mall to get her hair cut. I got to drive, of course. I did such a good job~! I'm getting better at it so I'm proud of myself. I feel like I know what I'm doing more than I did before--but I'm not going to let it go to my head. It's so weird because it's habit for me to click the blinker when I'm turning XD. My mom isn't so uptight about being in the car with me, either. Anyhoo! I went with my mom to get her hair cut. This time we went to a different person..usually we go to Denise..but she hasn't been doing a good job lately.. So we went to Mia and Maxx in the mall for my mom to get her hair cut. And for once she actually likes her hair! So I'm schedualed on Saturday! But I don't know what kind of hair cut I want.
Hmm...decisions, decisions.
so said she @
1:31 AM
Friday, January 10, 2003
Well, livejournal is down so I'm just gonna speak a little here in the 2 minutes before my next class.
Everyone is leaving LJ - I'm the only stubborn? Eh. Oh well. It's not like I can't chat with them, eh.
I know nobody reads this, but whatever.
I'm tired, cold, and really wanna go home...
Bleh.....
so said she @
10:52 AM
Tuesday, December 24, 2002
I updated my blog! Like...GASP!
Anyway, I don't have much to really say except Merry FUCKING Christmas!!!! o_o;
so said she @
10:06 PM
Wednesday, November 06, 2002
Whoa, it has been a while since I've updated here. Not much has been happening except for the issue of the 1st quarter ending. All my grades consist of A's and B's. Actually, to be correct, I have three A's and three B's. I'm pretty proud of myself, if I do say so. ^_^; I bought a book to help me learn HTML, in which it has. But I'm pretty impatient and I want to skip right to the point to making layouts. I've noticed that I can't do that. So, I guess I'll read it sometime and take mental notes. Until then I have to cram for my People and Society test I have tomorrow.
Mm, I need to find a web hosting place that will allow me to hold a good amount of stuff there for free. But we all know the odds of that happening, ne.
Speaking of money, I am pretty pissed off at MSN for what they're doing with this new MSN 8 shit. Make us pay $9.95 to use their damn MSN Explorer each month if you're not signed up with MSN Internet. Really ticks me off... Anyhoo, on to other stuff. I gotta wrap it up and go to bed. Oyasumi nasai~!
so said she @
11:34 PM
Wednesday, October 23, 2002
It sucks to wear something black, and your cat with WHITE fur wants to come and cuddle and snuggle with you. He seems all hurt that I keep push him away, since I don't want white fur on this black shirt *nods nods*. He's such a bed hog. I hate how he sleeps at the foot of my bed, then I can't get comfortable. Then I move my feet so he gets uncomfortable and leaves, right? Well, all he does is shift over my feet anymore. He doesn't even move! So I have to get up, grab him, and push him off my bed. But that doesn't stop him, he's back in 5 minutes. ~~;;; It sucks so baaad! I want a good nights sleep without closing my door.
*glances at the time* Welp, I better finish getting ready for school. I still need to-- want to find my watch before I have to leave.
so said she @
6:59 AM
Tuesday, October 22, 2002
I sorta protected a younger kid today. It actually felt pretty good to do something really somewhat great. What did I do? I took a hit for a little kid. Scott, a rather violent little 7th grader, was in in quite a hurry to get onto the bus this morning. The thing is he has an assigned seat, so I don't see really what his rush was. He has a seat on the bus practically empty and ready for him when he gets on due to his violent and rude behavior. Anyway, this little 5-6-7 year-old, around that age, tried slipping in (cutting) to get onto the bus. Now for children, I will let them ahead of me if they are that young, due to the cold temperatures outside. But Scott comes and pushes him back, the little boy steps back in to try to get onto the bus (not aware that Scott's push was maybe...territorial), Scott raised his hand to hit/punch this little boy...and that's when I came in. Seeing this, I quickly got in the way of the hit, using my arm to block it (it was all sorta instinct) and gave him a hard, cold glare. Scott pushed me, which...I didn't exactly move at all, but did return his little push. When on the bus, as I was walking to my seat through the isle, he put his foot out to trip me, since he had got on before I had. Seeing this coming a mile away, even before I had entered the bus I knew this was going to be next.. I purposely, then, hooked my foot with his..and then taking as long a stride as I could, with ALMOST as much force as I could, took his foot and leg along with the ride. Certainly not in the direction a leg should bend... e.e;; I heard some sort of "Ah" or "Oh" sort of sound..sorta sounded like something a little painful, I didn't mean to make it TOO painful. But I did intend to hurt him a little.
Anyway, it's one thing to hit me...but it's another to hit a little boy or girl that is clearly too young to really defend his or herself. This child would have taken the hit, fell to the floor, and most likely have cried. You don't do that. That's just low and cruel... the child meant no harm at all. But anyway, that doesn't mean you get off scott-free with hitting me. I plan on hopefully getting back at him before the age of 18, so it's not classified as "abuse" then. Anyway, yeah. I'm pissed...
Done for now. Later days.
so said she @
10:33 AM
Monday, October 21, 2002
So Cassie thinks I'm not all that smart? Riiiighty-o, then. Just for the fact that I asked somebody why their water was yellow when it was White Grape Juice. It's not my fault that from where I was at I couldn't see what was in the water bottle clearly.
Cassie said, "I think if you were smart, you'd realize that water can't be that yellow."
I said, "Well, the water in the school's fauset comes out pretty yellow."
She responded, "Well, I think if you were smart enough your realize that that water is darker than her water was, and that after a while the yellow in the water settles at the bottom of the bottle."
"Yeah. Okay, sure." I said the whole time through her little speech. "Okay. Right. Yep."
"I guess, from what I can see, you're obviously not that smart." She hissed and hurried away from me.
"Yep. Alright." I said, really not in the mood to follow after her and play her at her own game.
Obviously if she's going to make such quick assumptions she's the one who isn't that smart. She is, however, extremely close-minded. I never did like Cassie, she's always trying to be the smartest. Well, no, I take that back. She tries to intimidate you to make you think she's really smart. She's not, honestly. She's as average as everyone else. And her damn assumptions make me want to let myself become something great. It's funny, though. I know that if I let myself, I can become something great. I don't know with what, but I know I can be someone great. I can feel it in my bones, heart, and possible future. Laugh all you want, but I know and understand this feeling.
This morning the episodes 20, and 21 of InuYasha finished downloading. I wanted to watch them so badly but I didn't have time. Along with InuYasha, the episodes 1, and 2 of Ebichu finished downloading, as well. I finished watching Hanaukyo Maids 1-2 yesterday. But I think I downloaded episode three and that finished downloading last night, too. I still have to download more Those Who Hunt Elves. Then I want to download some more Ayashi no Ceres, like I had done before. I'm thinking I may start downloading Fushigi Yuugi, rather than buying it. There was some other anime that I was going to download, but at the moment it just totally slips my mind. Maaaan, I'm going to have everything cut out for me, neee!
*Huggles Liz for helping her with Blog* ;-; Omae wa tottemo kakkoii desu ne. Atashi wa anata ga daisuki desu yo! (Translation: You're so cool! I love you so much!)
so said she @
10:31 AM
It seems to be getting colder outside, now. I guess it's the changing of the seasons, eh. It never used to be so cold, but it's getting to be that time of year again. I really do dislike the cold. It's not that I don't dislike snow and winter, I just hate the fact that it's so cold durning that time of year.
I'm at school now with nothing better to do at the moment. Heather (a classmate of mine) rides my bus now. Great.... Constant questions, the one thing that actually pulls me to the edge. I can stand some questions, but she asks them constantly. One after the other. On and on and on. Heather is just...she sorta annoys me, okay? Everyday, for me in the morning, it's the same. Get up, get dressed and ready spend time online, go to the bus stop, keep to myself and listen to music, get on the bus when it comes and do the same thing. But I get on the bus and she says, "You're going to have to tell me where to go after school to get on the bus." I said okay. Then she says, "On my old bus it used to be so quiet." "It used to be like that" I said, and went back to listening to my music. "How many more stops do we have to go to?" she asks, "Just this one and one more." "When do we get to school?" "I don't know, I never look at the time." I say. We finally get to school, "What time is it?" "I don't know." I say. That conversation might not have annoyed you but there's been other days. I just don't really like her. -_-;;; There are just some people I just don't like; she's one of them.
Anyhoo. I think I've posted enough so...I'ma be done now. ^^;; Sore jya.
so said she @
8:03 AM
Sunday, October 20, 2002
Mwehehehe. Reno and I have been playing Trivia on IRC for what feels like forever. It's so much fun. I've one so many times that I'm number 10 on the top 10 list. I've gotten 183 correct, and I only needed 172 to get number 10 on the list. Reno keeps getting all "kjrhweicwe" when he can't answer the question first. It's so funny ^^;;; Maybe we're just having too much fun ne.
ZBotZ: 415. Pata Pata Hikousen no Bouken: What is the opening theme ?
sicero: !!hint
ZBotZ: Heres a hint: Naked
Zealeon: nake
Kerensa: naked truth
Zealeon: naked
sjen: naked bishies!
Zealeon: naked eye
Zealeon: hehe
Kerensa: naked me
Kerensa: naked you
sicero: naked dreams
Kerensa: naked who
sicero: naked me
Kerensa: naked stars
sjen: LOL!
Kerensa: naked dream
Zealeon: naked kerensa
Kerensa: naked love
Kerensa: naked hentai
Zealeon: naked pata
sicero: naked girls
sjen: naked yaoi
Kerensa: naked theme
sicero: naked thoughts
ZBotZ: Times up on that question (Geez, can't you remember the answer?)(Smoke Em If Ya Got Em! :Þ)
ZBotZ: The answer was -> Naked Story <- That was an easy one too! You need to brush up on your Trivia Skills!}
ZBotZ: Next question in 30 seconds, get ready (Let's Rock) (You're already foaming at the mouth!)!
an example of some of the crazy things that happen.
so said she @
10:40 PM
fghfhrfhrtyrtyrty
so said she @
9:42 PM
Alrightly! I might just ditch LifeJournal for Blog! Thanks to Liz my blog looks beautiful! *pet pets it* Yatta! This is going to be so much fun ne! Lesse, what to talk about. ^^;;
Tomorrow I have school, which is okay. I don't mind going, I just mind the homework. Nothing is really due until Tuesday, so it's all good. I have another day of lazyness! ^_^;
so said she @
9:40 PM
Wednesday, October 16, 2002
*sigh* Okay...this thing has got me so confused that it's not even funny...*rubs her temples* I want to understand it all now, but I don't exactly have time to do soooo... GUH ><;;;
so said she @
12:02 AM
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